You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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