My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
