Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
