I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
