someone get that fucking seahorse.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
