i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
