my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
