My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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