Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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