The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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