she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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