I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
