You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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