We won't sleep together?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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