her vagine was all disorganized.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
