My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize