Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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