Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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