when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize