my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
