after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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