He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
