when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
