The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
