So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize