Duck Duck Cougar?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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