So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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