If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
