So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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