You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
