Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
