Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
