Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
