i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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