why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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