Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
