piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
two words...techno handjob
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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