I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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