so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
