oh fat girl friday strikes again...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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