you guys were way drunker than both of me
my phone needs a breathalizer
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
