The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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