just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
