I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
