i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
