My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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