i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
