Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
