Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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