I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
