I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
