i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
