What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
