No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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