i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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