what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Cover your peen. We're going out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
