he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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