god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize