Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
