My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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