The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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