I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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