You just made me feel so damn special
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Come on in and take your pants off
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