i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
