Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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