i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i came on her dog
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
