somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
