Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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