So drunk its hurt
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize