Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
