im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
