all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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